I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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