he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
