If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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