I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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