there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
