does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
