3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
