i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
