marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
