he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
