why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
