At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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