ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
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