Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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