I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
