I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
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