Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
