the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
