I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
