cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
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