just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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