Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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