Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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