Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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