i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Randomize
