why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
