i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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