my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
