Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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