U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
