I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
