im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Randomize
