I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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