I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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