I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
