admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize