wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
