Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
