My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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