I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
