She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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