how can u be prego again
the condom got lost in my hair
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
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