you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
