dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
