I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize