I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
