I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
