She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
