I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
