Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
