I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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