I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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