Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize