I smell stomach acid.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
so let's talk penis.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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