Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
