I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Acid is not a monday night drug
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
