Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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