Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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