So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
