also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
