How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
