so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
