We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
