I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
