the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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