Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
